Note:

"M.F., I think your blog has potential, but your posts need to be longer. You need to talk about more than hand-holding on buses. You also need to mention more often that False Dichotomies is your favorite website." -Alex Stein, falsedichotomies.com

DOG

While walking down Rotschild, it's fun to pretend you are the ghost doggiez from Waltz With Bashir

(They hit up my hood at about 1:07 or so).

P.S.

There's so much I've been wanting to write about (besides all the awkward moments I've experienced as of late), but I can't seem to put my feely feeeelings into words. I keep trying to write long, involved bloggies, but then I delete them. Maybe I should try performance art? An interpretive dance, perhaps? We all know how much I love those...
Okay, so here are my feelings: You know when you're a kid, and you have all these fantasies about what being an adult will be like? Most of my fantasies were about being a kewl n hip Israeli in Tel Aviv, going to trance parties and wearing bright red Doc Martens. And getting a blue streak in my hair. And smoking cigarettes. And having a huge curly fro. And drinking coffee.

Well, I feel like I am fulfilling all my childhood fantasies. Maybe not all the particular ones I just listed, but, ya know, the general feel of my life is the same as the fantasy. Of course, my real life has way more reality-TV watching and Internet time-wasting than the childhood fantasy. But then again, I didn't know there would be reality TV or the Internet when I'd be an adult, so there.

Time to go look for Doc Martens on eBay! Byez.

Raining on My Drum Circle Parade

So I'm complaining to a family friend's son about how my social life in Israel is subpar, and I go on and on about it. Then I complain about wanting more furniture for my apartment. Then we talk about some other things. Then he's like "so up until a year ago, for four years I lived all alone in the woods and the beach and barely talked to anyone." Way to steal my thunder.

The tile! The tile!

As soon as I get home from work and sit on the couch, I can't do shit. I just sit there for hours and ponder the meaning of life (even though I totes have things to do, guys).

Why is this?

Oh yeah, the tile.

Staring at this as soon as you get home will make you act like a stoner even if you're not. Trust.

Watchin' things, feelin' feelings

I have been a little off for the past few days. I cried a little during a Survivor episode in which all the contestants talk about missing their families and show personal objects they brought from home. To reiterate, I cried during a reality show. At least it wasn't America's Next Top Model.

I also got way too much zest for life while watching a Sex and the City season two episode (which I've never watched before--how could it be?). The episode was all about empowering yourself while being alone, blah blah blah. At the end of the ep, Carrie sits at a cafe and gets a glass of wine alone with "no man, no girlfriends, no book, no armor, ALONE." Usually these types of sentences in Sex and the City ruin the show for me. But I was like, "YEAH! I can sit at cafes alone! AND DRINK WINE! I think I'll have some wine! Now! Wine! I mean, alone!" Anyways, I need help.

It didn't help that Carrie was dressed like this (while dancing retardedly):

Stole my summer 2k8 look.

Point is: I'm going to go watch more television now.

Braindead, I Is

Yawn. Ever since I moved into my apartment, I've mostly been:

1. Buying furniture
2. Needing food. Not having food. What to do?
3. Needing object x. Not remembering where it is or if I have it. Feeling confused.
4. Moping on the couch
5. Not sleeping
6. Being scared that there is a ghost in the apartment
7. Forgetting to do things
8. Cursing the Aroma across the street for playing retarded music (I curse you, Christina Aguilera!) at all times of the night. I might have to go all Israeli on them and walk there in my pajamas, yelling at the young employees that "there are people trying to sleep! You should be ashamed of yourself! Didn't your mother raise you right?"

Hopefully I will get my groove back at some point.

E-gads

As a new immigrant (or returning citizen, or whatever), I am always stressing about about which bus to take, where to buy food, what the deal is with the incredibly small lightbulbs here, and other basic things most people don't worry about.

I do not get enough sleep because of "teh stress." This means that at all times I'm more frazzled and awkward than usual. Sometimes my communication skills suffer, especially in Hebrew.

Needless to say, I've been experiencing moments like this daily:

Purim Conundrum!

Purim costume: Orthodox Jewish man a la:

Or Elinor Aharon in my favorite Youtube video of all time:

(Confession time: When I was six or seven I told everyone that when I was old enough, I would change my name to Elinor, because I was obsessed with this woman. Not much has changed, let me tell ya.)

Two months, what?

This past weekend was my two-month Israelversary. Can you believe it?

In my first blog post (http://mfthewebsite.blogspot.com/2008/12/hebrew-joke-book-yes-its-come-to-this.html) I detailed the ways I would cope with returning to my pseudo-homeland of awkwardness. Let's compare my plans to reality.

Coping strategy: Drinking a lot
Status: Accomplished. I even went on an awkward date with someone that I don't remember giving my phone number to, if that's any indication.

Coping strategy: The beach
Status: Accomplished. I sit on top of pretty cliffs while I read, smoke cigarettes, and marvel over the sunset. What have you ever done?

Coping strategy: Smoking nargila
Status: Meh. Cheap cigarettes from the shuk have been more my thing. I've only smoked nargila once since I've gotten here. But that one time was fabulous!

Coping strategy: Watching 30 Rock obsessively
Status: Very, very accomplished. The other day I went to work on three hours of sleep because I caught up on 30 Rock episodes. Blergh.

Coping strategy: Watching Israeli TV
Status: I am addicted to the Israeli version of Survivor. I have even toyed with the idea of making recap episodes for this blog. I am that obsessed. Help.

Coping strategy: Memorizing IDF abbreviations
Status: I memorized one but I already forgot it.

Coping strategy: Buying a Hebrew joke book
Status: I only communicate through the joke book, naturally.


So as we can see, things are going completely according to plan. Yes.