Similes: Now with More Creepy

I'm watching Israeli Survivor (yes, I'm drinking the kool-aid again), and one dude, when talking about his group of enemies on the show, just said "I'm like our country, and they're like Gaza, like Palestine. They're throwing rocks at me, they're bothering me, and I'm going to fight back hard. Then, I'm going to deport them all."

*crickets*

And to Think, I Don't Even LIKE Hummus That Much

Hello! My friend Chris just sent me an article about another flare-up in the hummus war between Israel and the rest of the Middle East (link here), and now I'm all upset, so I'd like to speak more about my feelings about hummus wars.

Look, I am not the biggest fan of Israeli hasbara and marketing around the world. And I do understand that some of the history of hummus in Israel comes from early Israeli settlers' (mostly European and Russian) glorifying/orientalizing/co-opting Arab identity. And yes, I am aware that Ashkenazi hegemony isn't going away any time soon.

But history-of-Zionism aside, currently more than 50% of Israelis are Middle Eastern Jews (unless stats have changed). Unless hummus and falafel were only eaten by non-Jews in the Middle East historically, which I really doubt since they are completely kosher, MOST ISRAELIS' FAMILIES WERE EATING THESE FOODS BEFORE THE CREATION OF THE STATE OF ISRAEL.

Denying the Israeliness of hummus and falafel is denying its Mizrahiness. While early Zionist settlers were European idealists braving the "exotic" desert, most Jews who live in Israel in the present have grandparents who probably spoke more Arabic than Hebrew.

So seriously, stop pretending that all us "Zionists" came from Europe and that we "put mayonnaise on our falafel" (this is what the people making fun of me on facebook for my falafel group said! harumph!).

Most of us JOOS are actually JEWISH ARABS. Get over it. MOST JEWS IN ISRAEL DID NOT ACTUALLY COME FROM EUROPE. Get over it. I mean, seriously, cancel that yoga class you scheduled with Ben Gurion in Be'er Sheba tomorrow and stop pretending it's the 1940s.

For more research on hummus wars, here are a couple of good articles.

!!!!!

This Is Like the Time(s) I Told My Friends that Instead of Getting Drunk, We Could Just Spin Around A Lot and We'd Get the Same Effect

I haven't charged my iPod in a LONG TIME. Nor have I put new music on it. I've been listening to the same shit since 2005!

The iPod has stopped accompanying me to the bus lately, but I still want to avoid the insane noise of the other passengers (unless they're telling stories like this lovely gem: "so my daughter dated this guy, and he was kinda controlling so she broke it off. Then he calls me and tells me, 'Please talk to your daughter. I want her back.' I tell him, 'Listen, you'll have to talk to her about this--I'm not her messenger.' Next thing you know, he stabs her in an alley! He's under house arrest now." Wait, what?).

So my new tactic is to just sing music to myself in my head! It's almost like listening to real music, but not. The lyrics ain't too pretty: "a rather shade of blaine with a wider shade of grass and this emory bore is giving me a glass." I sound like Pavement, but it's more like crooked pavement with dog poop on it. And the songs all blend together. And many times I end up having some horrible song that I heard at Aroma stuck in my head. But it is environmentally friendly. And I'm still too lazy to go charge the ol' pod.

My bus preparation skills need to be taken up a notch.

Bleerp Blorp

Hey, remember me? I am the writer of this bloggie. Hello!

Here are some things:

1. The degooglification of this blog has obviously not worked. When I Google my full name, I still see my old website all over the place bc a few people link to it. So, if your blog links to my blog, please change the link. (I'm talking to you, Kena! And you, Alex Stein!) I found lots of weird stuff when I Googled myself. For example, I found some Middle Easterners talking shit about me on facebook, because a few years ago I made a facebook group about how it's okay for Israelis to eat falafel. I kind of want to confront these people. I mean, seriously, more than half of Israelis are actually Middle Eastern by descent (including half of me). What are they supposed to eat? Cabbage? Don't buy into Ashkenazi hegemony! And do not deny the good people of Israel falafel!

2. On the bus on the way home every day, I pass by the Bursa. And I look into the windows of the lil skyscraper there. On the third floor or so, there is a synagogue, and I can see a bunch of Orthos praying/rocking back and forth. On the floor right above them, I see a bunch of people running on treadmills. This is my new favorite thing. Rocking dosim with people running on top of them. Heh!

3. Look at me with my new glasses! Beautiful princess is me.

I Got Nothin

So I've been having some "technical difficulties" lately. My lappie was sent for repair to the HP offices, and I've been using the work lappie, which for some reason, refuses to find a stable Internet connection. What gives?

In addition, I've just felt uninspired to write or take part in any other creative activities. Sometimes the whole Tel Aviv "scene" depresses me and makes me not want to do anything creative, ever! I'm currently trying to get over this hurdle.

The only way I've been "expressing my creativity" is by getting these Big Obnoxious Glasses which have provoked very intense reactions in people, let me tell ya! And the Israelis-staring-at-me phenomenon has been getting worse, much worse, due to said glasses. Dressing retardedly is my new creative outlet! But there has to be more to life than just dressing in a loud and obnoxious fashion, right?

Even my political activism has gone down a notch. I'm a lil disenchanted with it.

So yeah, I sign off with the resounding noise of "meh."

Like, dude...

I watched the film The Puffy Chair tonight and loved it. I was so excited that Ha'Ozen Ha'Shlishit actually has a prominent mumblecore section in their selection! See, after I watched Baghead last year (a movie made by the same people who made The Puffy Chair), I had a two-day mumblecore phase. By "mumblecore phase," I mean that I looked up the word "mumblecore" on wikipedia, and then happened to get a fever, which included feverish dreams of me repeating the word "mumblecore" in my head over and over. The word just got lodged into my head and during the entire time I was coughing up phlegm in my bed and taunted me. Taunted me! It was obnoxious.

Anyways, I've realized that I am way too into awkward realism at the movies. The Puffy Chair is kind of like The Office (British) in full-length movie form. Kinda like how Water World is like the I'm On a Boat video in full-length movie form. I watched that movie during Yom Kippur and they seriously talked about being on a motherfuckin' boat for like half the movie. Lame.

Anyways #2, after I watched the Puffy Chair, I did what I always do and watched the SPECIAL FEATURES of the DVD. 2 kewl 4 skool. In one of the special features, the Whatever Brothers, who made the movie, talked about themselves, and said they went to UT Austin for film school. Right after they said the words "UT Austin," I yelled out"Hook 'em." To myself. What is happening to the world? First I'm wearing a UT belly shirt to yoga, and now this? What next--should I hang a huge Texan flag on my balcony? ('Cause I was thinking about it). Someone save me from myself pls.