500 Days of Some Ho

Du-ude. I haven't written in this thing in forever! Oopsies.

I've been busy with moving apartments (to an apartment by the beach! I love life!) and some other stuff.

I kept meaning to post my new year's resolutions on here, but it's probably too late in the year to do that. So for now, a few notes:

1. Why is the Pavement Europe tour already sold out? I'm so upset!

2. I wonder if the Pixies show in Israel is also sold out. That would suck. Though seeing the Pixies with an Israeli audience does not sound that appealing. Would Israelis ruin the fun? I wonder.

3. Avatar was hilarious. After seeing it, I decided I should make a habit out of jumping on my friends and trying to attach my hair to their hair just to be annoying! My friend and I watched Avatar at a mall, so naturally, the first step after seeing it was to go up to all the little mechanical animal rides at the mall and do the braid-attaching thing to them. NATURALLY.

4. Avatar was also kinda stupid.

5. But I liked the special Israeli-only joke that was included in it! Comment on this blogpost to learn more.

6. I've been doing a lot (well, a little) more non-blog writing lately. Ain't that excitin'?

7. I really miss Austin today. Want some breakfast tacos. Damn.

8. I'm past page 200 in Infinite Jest. I keep taking long breaks from it, especially when DFW starts talking about tennis. Oh, brother. Don't get that guy started on tennis. He never shuts up about it! Or about drug addiction! Oh. Brother.

Like, dude...

I watched the film The Puffy Chair tonight and loved it. I was so excited that Ha'Ozen Ha'Shlishit actually has a prominent mumblecore section in their selection! See, after I watched Baghead last year (a movie made by the same people who made The Puffy Chair), I had a two-day mumblecore phase. By "mumblecore phase," I mean that I looked up the word "mumblecore" on wikipedia, and then happened to get a fever, which included feverish dreams of me repeating the word "mumblecore" in my head over and over. The word just got lodged into my head and during the entire time I was coughing up phlegm in my bed and taunted me. Taunted me! It was obnoxious.

Anyways, I've realized that I am way too into awkward realism at the movies. The Puffy Chair is kind of like The Office (British) in full-length movie form. Kinda like how Water World is like the I'm On a Boat video in full-length movie form. I watched that movie during Yom Kippur and they seriously talked about being on a motherfuckin' boat for like half the movie. Lame.

Anyways #2, after I watched the Puffy Chair, I did what I always do and watched the SPECIAL FEATURES of the DVD. 2 kewl 4 skool. In one of the special features, the Whatever Brothers, who made the movie, talked about themselves, and said they went to UT Austin for film school. Right after they said the words "UT Austin," I yelled out"Hook 'em." To myself. What is happening to the world? First I'm wearing a UT belly shirt to yoga, and now this? What next--should I hang a huge Texan flag on my balcony? ('Cause I was thinking about it). Someone save me from myself pls.

The Dog Show, I's seen it!

M sister Gal and I went to see SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE. I wish stoopid Wes Anderson could watch Slumdog Millionaire and feel ashamed about the abomination that is Darjeeling Limited Too. Yes, I know they are completely different films, but Danny Boyle is the superior white person making a movie about India, okay?

****If you haven't watched Slumdog Millionaire, please STOP READING NOW.****

I totally thought I knew the answer to the Three Musketeers question on Millionaire. I even talked about it with my sister in the theater and started chanting my answer a little bit.

This is because when I was little, I watched a cartoon in Hebrew about the Three Musketeers, except that all the characters were dogs. When I saw the answer choices in the Millionaire question, I remembered Cardinal Richelieu, the bad guy from the show--an evil dog--so I knew that wasn't the answer. I also remembered D'Artangan, because his name is constantly repeated in the theme song. I also remembered he had a sword. So I was SURE the answer was D'Artangan.

Except it wasn't, and I'm a dumbass who thought I knew everything based on my hazy recollection of a dog cartoon.



Obvi, now is time for some dialogue from the sequel to Slumdog Millionaire, called Fdog Loser: Dog Show or Bust.

Cop: "But you didn't know the Musketeer question, DID YOU?" (Throws some gasoline on me)

Me: "I just remembered a dog! A fucking dog!" (Scream as I am lit on fire)

Cop: "Well then, how did you know what kind of paper a report card is made out of? Huh?"

Me: "My sister Yael once wiped her butt with my sister Gal's report card and then sold it on the black market. Hah."

Cop slaps me.

Etc. etc.

Sad story.

Here is the amazing intro song to Dogtanian and the Muskerhounds in Hebrew:

And here it is, with video, in English:

And here is an amazing article explaining the show: http://www.phantomframe.co.uk/dogtanian.htm