This Isn't America's Next Top Best Friend

Hello there,

So I've been thinking that when I first got to Israel (7 months ago--can you believe it?), I thought I'd finally have to stop living my life on two different continents, stop the yearning for secular Zion and all that. Instead, my life has gotten even more fragmented--with my F.mily and platonic life partners all being in the US, I feel like I'm in a gajillion long distance relationships.

This summer, The Summer of Guests, has led many a friend and family member to an Israeli pilgrimage to visit ME. Last week, three of my closest friends were here, and after they left, I got all sadsies thinking about how much loved ones are all so far away. Good thing that I didn't move to Israel to make no friends--I came here to be #1!

I've been noticing that the number of visits on my blogs substantially decreases on Shabbat. Are mitzvah-keeping Jews really my audience? Who knew?


And by the way, mfthewebsite will be back with regular posting soon enough.

Is it just me or does the Old City of Jerusalem look kind of fake? How is it thousands of years old? It was probably built by Disney in the 1950's.

Sing Me a Sad Song

Distraction!

This is a photo of people having candle wax dripped on their backs. I took this photo today while watching an Israeli game show called "Distracted," where contestants have to answer basic questions while placed in very distracting positions. Such as having HOT WAX dripped on them! Doesn't that technically count as torture?

Then, the winning contestant, Benny, who squealed a lot in a high voice, had to answer more questions. When he got a question wrong, the contestants who had lost earlier destroyed one of his prizes by hitting them with hammers. He was left with the non-destroyed items.
The two items they destroyed were a digital camera and a computer.

I... have no words.

Anthem Du Jour

This week needs to end now.

I've been listening to this old school song on repeat:



It is a song about how the world stinks, from New York to Rafiach. And that some girl is being mean to the singer--sometimes she understands him, and sometimes she's a bitch. She's not very clear. It is also a song about how we're all racist.

My favorite part of the video is when the band rides around in a garbage truck (sidenote: I was seriously about to type "trash van." I wish I knew how to speak English.). I like their garbage truck shenanigans because I relate to them--being on a bus for 2 hours a day is kinda like being on a garbage truck, but with more gross people shoving their bodies on you. And with more yelling.

I can also relate to this song, because I, like the girl who is taunting the singer, am often a "bat zona." I don't sit around my room in white underwear smoking cigarettes, though.

Father Facts

I don't care about made-up American holidays, which usually don't even involve the most important part of holidays: food. But, today I've been reading all this "stuff" about Father's Day, and then I started missing my dad! And then I teared up. I wasn't even prompted by a reality show to cry. I just did it!

Anyways, my aba is a character. He is out of control. So I figured I should write a post about him. But not because it's Father's Day because that's stupid.

So here are some fun facts about my father:

1. He wears an earring instead of a wedding band.

2. He often starts whispering mid-sentence instead of talking.

3. He calls my siblings and me "hot dogs" ("naknikiot").

4. When we have chocolate in the house, he often hides it and eats it all himself.

5. He is a walking encyclopedia of rock and roll history and is basically a hipster. His favorite band is Dengue Fever (and he drove to New York with his BFF to see them--bahaha). He also went through a Texas swing music phase. Yeah, I dunno.

6. My mom made posters of this picture of him in his '20s, when he still had his golden curls and looked Jim Morrison-esque. I used to have this poster in my house in Austin, and all my friends became his fans based on the poster. I guess it's a little odd to own a poster of your dad, but my mom is just really into making posters of us. Uhhh, yeah.

7. He is obsessed with my dog Phoebe, though he spells her name "Fibi." One time he said "Phoebe is my best friend" and it was the funniest thing ever.

8. My 15-year-old brother and my dad often have heart-to-hearts.

9. He "tans" outside for five minutes every day because he's super pale.

10. For a couple of years, he wouldn't let me get glasses because he was really into these eye exercises that improve your vision, and made me do those instead of getting glasses. I only got glasses in college when I was away from his watchful eye. He's seriously too into alternative medicine.

Hope you enjoyed these TRUE FACTS.