think before you blog

I am avoiding unpacking so I will write a blogspot separated into a "wartime" section and an "other" section.

Wartime for F.
Okay, I've calmed down a bit. The last couple of posts were written in the heat of the moment and some of the things I wrote do not actually make any sense (for example, I know that the purpose of the Gaza offensive isn't to kill civilians, even though some civilians are dying--though I tend to feel uneasy about saying a military offensive is or is not meant to kill civilans. I'll just stop talking now). I guess what I'm saying is: please don't treat the last two posts as solid, coherent political commentary.

I'm going to try not to comment too much on the political situation for a bit since I have a hard time writing anything profound when "the situation" escalates. It's just bewildering to me and I don't even know where to begin. One day, hopefully soon, I'll be able to write about my political leanings. If anything, the latest crisis is making me want to sit down and learn to express my feelings about it without getting swept up in rhetoric or emotion. Actually, learning to talk about anything without getting too swept up in emotion should probably be my general life goal.

So for political commentary, I will point you to someone who can be practical and talk strategy without going into histrionics: David Grossman. Here's what he wrote in Ha'Aretz: http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/spages/1051008.html

Other than that, I'm going to stay mum on all of this because what can I say?

"Other"
1. Hulu doesn't work in Israel! Time for me to cry about it.
2. I've already eaten two cottage cheese sandwiches. Israeli cottage cheese is unparalleled. Unparalleled!
3. My mommy made me a surprise blanket that I found in my suitcase last night. She sewed on pictures of the F.mily (pictures printed on fabric) to this really soft blanket and it is very cute. This present made me feel very Eema-otional.
4. Here is video of people clapping in the plane when we arrived in Tel Aviv. I must say, their clapping is a little unenthusiastic, no? I also didn't know how to make the video right-side up. Meh.



That's all for now. Time for me to listen to NWA, unpack, and call my cousin 300 times. Lehitraot!

i'm expressing with my full capabilities, and now i'm living in correctional facilities

I moved to Israel today. I'm really jetlagged. My cousin is going to dodge some qasaam rockets at work tomorrow. Why are the IDF and Hamas starting so much drama right now? Everyone seems scared and upset. Not an auspicious day to move here, I guess.

Someone actually told me today "Hope you have a nice adjustment period with no qasaams." Eema'le! (But the qasaams are not hitting my city so don't worry about me--for now they're just hitting Ashkelon and Ashdod. My cousin works in Ashdod but they barely got any qasaams today so she'll be fine.)

Plus, all the news anchors have been using the word "war" way too much. I do not like this. I will most likely try to ignore this by watching a lot of 30 Rock and having tea parties with stuffed animals.

January 20, please come! Barry, save the day.

Okay I'm going to stop talking about "current events" now. New Year's is two days away and I might go out to Tel-Aviv yay yay fun fun.

Also, my flight was hilarious. More on this later. I'm going to go to sleep now. Just needed an incoherent jetlagged post.

All this, for me?

Just yesterday I was watching a feature story on the rocket fire in Sderot and the area, and now I see that Israel is making sure to "retaliate" by . . . killing civilians. http://www.nytimes.com/2008/12/28/world/middleeast/28mideast.html?_r=1&hp

This fireworks/death display is timed just for my arrival. I know it's the thought that counts, but really, Israel, you shouldn't have.

30 Rock Quote of the Moment

"You look like Gene Simmons had sex with a basset hound" -Liz Lemon to Frank

Tel Aviv is going downhill

I haven't even arrived in Tel-Aviv yet, and already I hear bad news about the city going downhill.

I was really looking forward to attending this "orgy for peace" sponsored by an alien religion, but it has been cancelled. Here is the proof: http://perezhilton.com/2008-12-25-orgy-for-peace-cancelled. I guess I'll have to attend "rock-throwing for modesty" in Jerusalem instead. Oh wells.

Reality TV, ur not helping

Chanukah, Chanukah, la-di la la la.

My mom has gotten addicted to the Israeli version of Big Brother, and tonight, she put on the recap episode which followed around two of the contestants' families.

One dude's mom was talking about how her kid (the contestant) is "like a lover" to her because he compliments her a lot, and that she believes that in a past life, they were lovers, and that there's something sexual about it. She also says that she can't wait to lie down next to him when he gets back from the reality show.

I seriously almost barfed. Barf barf barf. Vom vom vom.

I hope I do not run into this woman, among other people, in Israel. Seriously this woman is nuts.

The Dog Show, I's seen it!

M sister Gal and I went to see SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE. I wish stoopid Wes Anderson could watch Slumdog Millionaire and feel ashamed about the abomination that is Darjeeling Limited Too. Yes, I know they are completely different films, but Danny Boyle is the superior white person making a movie about India, okay?

****If you haven't watched Slumdog Millionaire, please STOP READING NOW.****

I totally thought I knew the answer to the Three Musketeers question on Millionaire. I even talked about it with my sister in the theater and started chanting my answer a little bit.

This is because when I was little, I watched a cartoon in Hebrew about the Three Musketeers, except that all the characters were dogs. When I saw the answer choices in the Millionaire question, I remembered Cardinal Richelieu, the bad guy from the show--an evil dog--so I knew that wasn't the answer. I also remembered D'Artangan, because his name is constantly repeated in the theme song. I also remembered he had a sword. So I was SURE the answer was D'Artangan.

Except it wasn't, and I'm a dumbass who thought I knew everything based on my hazy recollection of a dog cartoon.



Obvi, now is time for some dialogue from the sequel to Slumdog Millionaire, called Fdog Loser: Dog Show or Bust.

Cop: "But you didn't know the Musketeer question, DID YOU?" (Throws some gasoline on me)

Me: "I just remembered a dog! A fucking dog!" (Scream as I am lit on fire)

Cop: "Well then, how did you know what kind of paper a report card is made out of? Huh?"

Me: "My sister Yael once wiped her butt with my sister Gal's report card and then sold it on the black market. Hah."

Cop slaps me.

Etc. etc.

Sad story.

Here is the amazing intro song to Dogtanian and the Muskerhounds in Hebrew:

And here it is, with video, in English:

And here is an amazing article explaining the show: http://www.phantomframe.co.uk/dogtanian.htm