F that S

Sometimes, having lots of holidays off of work kind of sucks. I thought I would love all the holidays in Israel, but this week was just draining. The Yom Ha'Shoah/Yom Ha'Zikaron/Yom Ha'atzmaut combo is a little too much for my frail mind to take.

Plus, why does everyone in this country insist on being such rabid misogynists? It makes me want to start a riot grrrrl band. I just want to be talked to like a regular human being, instead of feeling like some pretty, pretty princess who gets dolled up to go out and giggle at everyone's jokes or some shit. Barf-o.

In conclusion, this week, with its mouse, its people-making-fun-of-my-mouse-videos, and its psychological mindfuck of holidays, ain't done me no good.

I am longing for American holidays, holidays that are about nothing but shopping, even when they pretend to be about something else. Actually, no I'm not. Writing that sentence just made me feel a lot better about living in Israel. Problem solved.

Trapped!

Mousecapades, part 2










He's sideways, but you get the gist.

The Mouse!!!

Here is a reality-tv-confessional video/vlog/whatever that I made because I am scared of the mouse in my apartment. And yes, my voice sounds like Kermit and my hands are weird. Shuttup. And I'm stuffed up in this video, so weird breathing, too. Deal with it.

I'm Not Cryin', It's Just Been Raining . . . on My Face

Just now, I cried during Survivor again. The show brought the contestants' loved ones to the island for a mission, and the reunions were just as melodramatic as any other Israeli interaction ever. Everyone was running toward their loved one in slow-mo and then the camera spun around the two figures hugging and crying. It's like, chill, you haven't seen your family for 40 days. Big whoop. But whaevs. When one girl hugged her mommy, I shed a tear. I am whack.

The pic above is of Yoav, this lame-ass who is obsessed with his girlfriend
"Jackie." He talks about her constantly and cries about the fact that she's not with him. Their reunion cracked me up.

I'm Hungry

Whenever people see a skeletal looking person, they say that person should "eat a sandwich or something." Why? Sandwiches never fill me up. They're not even real food. How about a big tub 'o creamy pasta with mushrooms? Yum. Or a big steak with mashed potatoes? Or even a big salad with some bread?

But a sandwich? Puh-lease.

The Britney Spears Film "Crossroads" Has Gone Nuthin on This

I'm going to Petra! Yippee!Let's hope I don't get desert madness and start shooting my gun into the sky a la Yoni in A Perfect Peace. Uhhh, spoiler alert?

CULTS: They're So "Crazy" and Completely Different from Us!

Yesterday, I hung out with my parents' friend Raia (yes, I hang out with my parents' friends, shuttup) and had Shabbat dinner. Then, we watched a news expose on cults in Israel. David Koresh was mentioned. I enjoyed the Waco shout-out. The report also called messianic Judaism a cult, but I immediately fell asleep at that point, since it was just like listening to my friend Baruch tell lullaby-like stories of his messianic family. Go figure.

The reporters kept caling all the cults mentioned "crazy" and "insane" without really explaining what makes people join cults or what the cult leaders were even preaching. It was a very non-enlightening report.

One thing that caught my attention, though, was the reporter's focus on all the incentives that cult leaders provide their followers. They often lure followers with monetary support and tell them they'll find love/a partner in the cult.

This reminded me of this large intentional community in the Middle East that lures Jewish youth into it using monetary grants, educational subsidies, and the promise of Jewish love.

See what I did there?

Shabbat = Useless

I am so useless on Shabbat. As soon as I wake up Friday morning, I know nothing will get done that day.

And then Saturday I sit and mope around, wondering why this day has to happen every week. It's almost like I sit and mope in order to REBEL against Shabbat.

Nothing is open (except for stupid Aroma and their stupid loud music), and Tel Aviv looks like a ghost town. Especially now, with everyone being out of town for Pesach.

At least I cleaned my house today. In Tel Aviv, things in apartments--or at least, things in my apartment--are permanently covered by a fine layer of dust. Achoo. It's dumb.

In conclusion, resting after six days of creating the universe = worst idea ever.

Yo Ya

Oh my! There is so much to write about in ye olde blog, and so little time. And by "so little time," I mean "it's Passover break at teh office and I can write on the blog all day except that I might go camping on the Dead Sea so never mind!"

Even though it's old news, I must tell you more about Tel Aviv's 100th birthday celebrations. But I won't right now.

And there is so much to be said about Passover on the kibbutz, but, again, that will have to wait.

Instead, I've decided to compile, for your viewing pressure, some choice Israeli music videos that crack me up every time. This was going to be a Top 10 countdown of Israeli vids on YouTube, but I ended up finding a bunch of completely random videos that hold no relation to each other. So I will bullet these instead of numbering them (which I should always do anyway, otherwise some people start thinking I said they're the best when I didn't mean to).

So, here are some random, hilar Israeli vids:

• What can I say? I have a special place in my heart for Israeli faux new wave.

• Israel won the Eurovision song contest with this song. In the chorus, the singer says "I love you" with a "b" sound after every syllable. Hence, "abanibi obonebev obotabach" instead of "ani ohev otach." Who thought of this, and why?

• Eurovision never fails to bring the lols. This is my favorite Israeli Eurovision video of all time. The guy in the background in 1:25 is a particular fave. Mesmerizing. Also, Jewfros.
  

• Last year, my BFF Sarah became obsessed with this song by famed Israeli tranny Dana International. She made me listen to it non-stop. In time, I have come to appreciate its ridiculosity, esp. when dude-with-yamakkah shows up mid-vid. By the way, this song is about male prostitutes.
  

• One of my favorite shows as a kid was "Lo Kolel Sherut" (Gratuity Not Included), about a group of waiters in Tel Aviv. The show had a musical component. Elinor Aharon's Hebrew version of "Like a Prayer" also comes from this show. (That song is not in this list because it is simply TOO awesome.)

This song depicts a girl looking completely blase even though she's singing about sensual lovin:

• I die.

• Arik Einstein, the king. I've already posted a bunch of his videos on the blog, but here's one more, for misogyny's sake.

• I said I wasn't going to number these, but I lied. This is the #1 best Israeli video of all time. I got a few of my Austin friends completely hooked on this song. It makes me so giddy, so giddy, so Gidi Gov.

That is all, my friends. Next time, I'll post my favorite Israeli videos: children's video edition. Moments from the Israeli Jungle Book Musical will be included.

In other news, I can't find my coat, and I am really starting to think that bitch from the picture below really has stolen it. Identity thief!

Tel Aviv: Now Dressing Like M.F.

I just got back from my Passover trip to Kibbutz Sasa. When I walked into the apartment, my window was slightly ajar. I think this woman was here while I was gone, and stole all my clothes. She did not find those shoes here, however.

Source: http://israblog.nana10.co.il/tblogread.asp?blog=387973

Today, Tel Aviv is celebrating its 100th birthday at Rabin Square. My roommate is part of the show--he's rollerblading it. (Heh.)

So here's to Tel Aviv: the non-stop honking outside my window, the scary kitties and their kitty fights, the people riding motorcycles on sidewalks and almost running me over, the pretty trees (desert, ur blooming), the beach, the beautiful men that walk down Rothschild (nom nom nom), the cute puppehz, the random Orthodox people, the shuk, the free shots at bars (you are a blessing and a curse), the people who are nice to lefty activists on the street, the Russian prostitutes, the bougie cafes, the sketchiness, the hummus, the vintage clothes, the French people (just kidding, they're annoying), the construction, the ugly-ass graffiti, and the old people who yell at me on the bus.

HERE IS TO YOU.

Fashun

Despite the fact that I am a slob and a half who walks around with bags under my eyes, chapped lips, and huge zits on my face like I just don't give a fuck, I am still very into FASHION and PRETTY THINGS. I read many fashion-heavy blogs, like www.pennyplastic.com and becauseimaddicted.net. And I read many blogs by girls who somehow look done up at all times (like Tracie Egan). I always thought bloggers were supposed to be hanging out in their pajamas, but all these girls on teh webz look immaculate. WTF?

Well, you know what, enough is enough. I think that the Internet should be filled with images of sloppy, sloppy apartments and the people who sit around in them typing on the Internet.





Am I the only girl with a website who takes day-long naps (Wednesday, I'm talking about you) and sits around in her pajamas all day?

I'm hot 'cause I'm fly

Preparing for a messy Passover

Male dominated

New theme of my life: Misogyny in Action.

My usual reaction to misogyny is to obsessively listen to NWA and 2Pac, but pretend the misogynist lyrics are about men instead of women.

I'm very mature.