This Thing is Like That Thing

Sometimes, living in Israel feels like the following video. The video is about pay discrimination between the sexes, but I'm just talking about how living in Israel feels like for a person, not a woman.


Now if I had to go on about what it feels like to be a woman in Israel, that'd be a whole other post. A post filled with descriptions of people talking to you about beating women (almost every day!), people trotting out cliches about all the things women "can't do," and people thinking of slutty bachelorhood as some sort of male-only thing (that one just confuses me).

Slow Clap

I cannot stop watching this video or singing this song in my head. The video might not make sense if you don't know Hebrew (or if you do know Hebrew, actually), but it's a satire on hasbara (the Israeli government's "PR" around the world). What I like about it is that it's vague enough that half the people don't get that it's a joke. That is my favorite type of video.


The video comes from Eretz Nehederet ("Our Great Country"), a fake news show in Israel--like the Daily show, but much darker. I don't know how I haven't mentioned this before, but one of their recurring sketches is called May's Blog. The character May is a blond, bitchy, and rich Israeli teenager who forces her friend to be bulimic. Naturally.

CULTS: They're So "Crazy" and Completely Different from Us!

Yesterday, I hung out with my parents' friend Raia (yes, I hang out with my parents' friends, shuttup) and had Shabbat dinner. Then, we watched a news expose on cults in Israel. David Koresh was mentioned. I enjoyed the Waco shout-out. The report also called messianic Judaism a cult, but I immediately fell asleep at that point, since it was just like listening to my friend Baruch tell lullaby-like stories of his messianic family. Go figure.

The reporters kept caling all the cults mentioned "crazy" and "insane" without really explaining what makes people join cults or what the cult leaders were even preaching. It was a very non-enlightening report.

One thing that caught my attention, though, was the reporter's focus on all the incentives that cult leaders provide their followers. They often lure followers with monetary support and tell them they'll find love/a partner in the cult.

This reminded me of this large intentional community in the Middle East that lures Jewish youth into it using monetary grants, educational subsidies, and the promise of Jewish love.

See what I did there?

Raining on My Drum Circle Parade

So I'm complaining to a family friend's son about how my social life in Israel is subpar, and I go on and on about it. Then I complain about wanting more furniture for my apartment. Then we talk about some other things. Then he's like "so up until a year ago, for four years I lived all alone in the woods and the beach and barely talked to anyone." Way to steal my thunder.

E-gads

As a new immigrant (or returning citizen, or whatever), I am always stressing about about which bus to take, where to buy food, what the deal is with the incredibly small lightbulbs here, and other basic things most people don't worry about.

I do not get enough sleep because of "teh stress." This means that at all times I'm more frazzled and awkward than usual. Sometimes my communication skills suffer, especially in Hebrew.

Needless to say, I've been experiencing moments like this daily:

Overheard in Tel Aviv

Girl on the bus, who, by the way, was speaking English every other sentence to sound kewl: "I heard there's a rat infestation in Tel Aviv right now. Oh my god, if I see a rat, I'm moving to London!"

And then you would avoid rats how?

Politics and Me

14-year-old who lives upstairs: "Why is no one voting for the Green Leaf [pot legalization] party?"

Me: "I met some kibbutznikim this weekend who are voting Green Leaf. "

14-year-old: "Really? I thought kibbutznikim only get high on cow shit."

Israel WTF Moment of the Day

Man dressed in complete, albeit slightly "off" cowboy regalia on the bus. He had a twisty mustache, a dark leather Australian-looking cowboy hat, leather boots, a huge-ass belt buckle, plaid shirt, straight-leg jeans, and a ponytail. The look almost worked except for the hat and boots looking more like random leather items than true cowboy clothes.