Similes: Now with More Creepy

I'm watching Israeli Survivor (yes, I'm drinking the kool-aid again), and one dude, when talking about his group of enemies on the show, just said "I'm like our country, and they're like Gaza, like Palestine. They're throwing rocks at me, they're bothering me, and I'm going to fight back hard. Then, I'm going to deport them all."

*crickets*

The Transitions in This Blog Post Are Lacking

Things have been rather quiet on ye olde mfthewebsite. That's because one of my only readers, my little sister, is visiting me from Obamaland. I "blog" to her on a regular basis by "talking," so "blogging" seems rather redundant.

I will say this, though: Visiting your favorite serene artists' village is not as fun once you realize the artists created this village by taking over "abandoned" Arab houses. The visit is further dampened by your realization that all the Arab owners of the houses live 5 minutes away in a makeshift village of their own.

But the Dada museum in the Ein Hod Artists' Village is still pretty cool. Check it out.

I will also say this: The Survivor finale is coming up, and I barely even care who's going to win. What is happening to the world? And how will I pass the time after Survivor ends? Only time will tell.

I will finish with this video:

Reason for video: An obnoxious blond with a Paris-Hilton-like baby voice and a tiny puppy was parading herself around the cafe where my sister and I were eating breakfast. After a while, I realized she was Rony Superstar, the lamest Israeli pop sensation of all time, and singer of the "song" in the video above. I'm still embarrassed by the lameness level of Israeli celebs I recognize.

Oh, that reminds me: I went to see Yona Wallach: The Play the other day. They actually performed Tefillin (though without the last stanza for some reason). And they performed Strawberries, one of my favorite poems. The play was aight, though I think they could've done a lot more with the poems. I also think I should've been able to watch Tefillin performed without giggling. This was not the case, unfortch.

Hillbisraelis

I've had this conversation three times in the past week:

Israeli person (not me): "So did you vote for Obama?"

Me, M.F.: "Of course. He's the best!"

Israeli person (not me): "He's a Muslim, right?"

I get so upset at this fuckery (among other Israeli-hillbilly shenaneries). The other day I even started crying repeatedly to my parents, "It's like I moved from Austin to Waco! This is Waco! Aaaaah!"

I've recovered, but seriously, wtf? People here need a lesson or two about not being dumb. I rule; they drool, etc.

No fightin'; (Shakira, Shakira...)

Here is a SHOCKING fact. Did you know that Hamas uses children as human shields? Children!

Actually, that practice has been disputed and greatly exaggerated. That argument is just an excuse for Israel to target civilians.

Israel doesn't target civilians. Hamas targets civilians by shooting rockets into residential areas of Israel. Israel is just trying to target terrorists but sometimes there are civilian casualties.

Well, technically since Gaza isn't a state, everyone there is a civilian.

But Israel is entitled to self-protection when other entities try to harm its citizens.

Hamas is just using these rockets as self-defense. Gazans are stuck in what essentially is an open air prison. Their rockets are small and not very harmful compared to what Israel is using on them. Barely any Israelis have even died from these rocket attacks.

But Israel has developed an advanced alarm system and a shelter system for its citizens in the South, which is why its citizens are better protected from rockets.

Hamas does not have the budget to protect its citizens to this degree, because they do not receive as much international aid. Actually, Gazans barely have access to basic supplies.

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Guys, pls stop fightin cos M.F. iz hurr 2 save the day duhz.

Also,

"Am Israel Pi" Graffiti in Tel Aviv (um duh it's a play on Am Israel Chai--the Nation of Israel Lives)

All this, for me?

Just yesterday I was watching a feature story on the rocket fire in Sderot and the area, and now I see that Israel is making sure to "retaliate" by . . . killing civilians. http://www.nytimes.com/2008/12/28/world/middleeast/28mideast.html?_r=1&hp

This fireworks/death display is timed just for my arrival. I know it's the thought that counts, but really, Israel, you shouldn't have.

17 days

Yesterday I decided that maybe, now that I'm basically two weeks away from moving, I should look up all the bureaucracy I'll have to go through once in Schmisrael. And, guess what? Once I move, I have to do a lot of stuff. Stupid stuff! Stupid errandy stuff!

The one thing I hate most about growing up is all this paperwork and all these errands that come with getting a house, insurance, job, blah blah blah blah blah. It just clutters up my life with BORINGNESS. I don't want.

To deal with these shenanigans / shenaneries, I will make myself a good playlist on my pod, and listen to it while I wait to do different errands in Israel. I might even download more This American Life episodes to help me through these errands. Who knows? I'm crazy!

The This American Life tactic did work when I had to go on 20-hour bus rides in Mexico (though it worked less well on those buses when I was going on one hour of sleep, dealing with a hangover, and having to listen to The Golden Compass blaring out of the TVs in Spanish).

ANYWAYS, the point is that I am not excited for Israeli Errand Bonanza '09.

But, there are more important things to talk about today, namely that I found an amazing photo gallery of Nefesh B'Nefesh flights. Let me explain. I got a grant to move to Israel with Nefesh B'Nefesh, this private organization that gives $$ and help to joos to move to Israel. I have some qualms about this, but I needed the help and they had the resources, so I am going on one of their flights.

The thing about this organization is that many religious / ideologically motivated people go on these flights. They even kiss the ground when they get to Israel. And they wrap themselves in Israeli flags! It is out of control.

The closest thing I've ever done to kissing the ground is licking this pavement in a parking lot in Dallas. Abby, Matt Walker, and I were going to an Of Montreal show (when they were good!) but the highway was closed (WTF) so we just went to this tacky restaurant in the middle of nowhere and licked a parking lot. Well, I licked a parking lot. The worst part is that when we were stuck on the highway I really needed to pee (and we were stuck for 1.5 hours), so I was thisclose to peeing on the side of the highway. Sad times.

To see people of other people licking the ground--well, I guess kissing the ground, go here: http://www.nbn.org.il/gal2/. Okay, most of the photos are of people getting off planes, but believe me, there is ground-kissing involved!