I bet all my hundreds of thousands of readers are wondering how I've been faring since finishing Infinite Jest. I keep watching tennis matches on TV to cope. You can take a girl out of Infinite Jest, but you can't take Infinite Jest out of the girl.

I also started learning to play the guitar, which would be a lot easier to do if I didn't have ears. My "playing" sounds like a rabbit dying.

THE END

hot and fresh out the kitchen

I can't tell if this story I've just written is the funniest shit ever or the most embarrassing drivel of all time.

Yikes!

P.S. I finished Infinite Jest. Who's jealous? (Everyone.)

Yalla, Nu

Why is it that the longer I live in Israel, the stranger it gets? It seems like I'm missing my friends more as time goes on. There are so many people in the U.S. that I'm obsessed with and with whom I have an intense amazingsville connection. Perhaps I should become some crazypants aliyah advocate and make them all move here.

Yalla, friends, move here so I can have people to kareoke with at home at 4 in the morning.

In other news, I'm on page 770 of Infinite Jest. Hollllla. David Foster Wallace says "twitter" and "tumbler" too much. Stop trying to be hip, Wallace! I like it when Joelle makes fun of Hal. There are too many descriptions of farting. There are also too many descriptions of dead babies being carried around by their drug-addicted mothers until they stick to the mother's flesh and have to be cut out (well, really, one description of that scenario is too much for me!). I finally figured out what a backhand and forehand are in tennis. As well as what a lob and a volley is. This book rules. I don't know what I'll do after I finish it!

Most Faux-Complimentary Song of All Time

I'm supposed to edit and send out a short story I just wrote. Instead, I'm reading the Internets and repeatedly listening to this gem:


Pinkerton-era Weezer b-sides make me feel feelings. And I have such a soft spot for oddly romantic songs about people not liking each other. Cat Stevens's "Here Comes My Baby"? Check. Wilco's "Just Friends"? Yes, please.

Someone should just write a song called "I Don't Like You That Much." I'd be all over that shit.

P.S. I heard that it was National Grammar Day in the U.S. yesterday. Is this correct? Unfortunately, at my job, every day is National Grammar Day (NGD). Makes me wanna misspell sumthin.

All Hail

And on page 328 of Infinite Jest, DFW used the word "irregardless" (and italicized it!) and it was glorious.

Yes, I've been reading this book extremely slowly, what of it?

500 Days of Some Ho

Du-ude. I haven't written in this thing in forever! Oopsies.

I've been busy with moving apartments (to an apartment by the beach! I love life!) and some other stuff.

I kept meaning to post my new year's resolutions on here, but it's probably too late in the year to do that. So for now, a few notes:

1. Why is the Pavement Europe tour already sold out? I'm so upset!

2. I wonder if the Pixies show in Israel is also sold out. That would suck. Though seeing the Pixies with an Israeli audience does not sound that appealing. Would Israelis ruin the fun? I wonder.

3. Avatar was hilarious. After seeing it, I decided I should make a habit out of jumping on my friends and trying to attach my hair to their hair just to be annoying! My friend and I watched Avatar at a mall, so naturally, the first step after seeing it was to go up to all the little mechanical animal rides at the mall and do the braid-attaching thing to them. NATURALLY.

4. Avatar was also kinda stupid.

5. But I liked the special Israeli-only joke that was included in it! Comment on this blogpost to learn more.

6. I've been doing a lot (well, a little) more non-blog writing lately. Ain't that excitin'?

7. I really miss Austin today. Want some breakfast tacos. Damn.

8. I'm past page 200 in Infinite Jest. I keep taking long breaks from it, especially when DFW starts talking about tennis. Oh, brother. Don't get that guy started on tennis. He never shuts up about it! Or about drug addiction! Oh. Brother.

I Got Nothing to Say

I've turned into the Hulk for the past week because I'm stressies about moving apartments (and for some other reasons, blergh).

So I don't have much to say other than "Garrrrg."

But I did realize how upsetting it is for NOFX's version of Last Caress to be on my blog, and not the Misfits'.

So, let's take that wrong and make it a right!