May Favorite Blogs

Note: I want to change the URL/title of this blog due to sheer Googleability. I haven't been writing about so many things because of Google. I'll figure it out and let you readers know if I decide to change it.

In other news, I just read a fabulous article about Chadash Party in this Orthodox lefty college professor's blog (whaaa??). He said Meretz "exists as a club for some Tel-Aviv secularists and some kibbutznikim who became dinosaurs long ago." (This is, embarrassingly enough, a dead-on description of me, especially when I'm in velociraptor mode--i.e. making hand-claws in photographs).

Guess what? That quote was a lead-in for me to talk about my favorite Israel blogs! Even before I moved to this here country, I was on the lookout for lefty Israeli blogs in English to make me feel better when times are rough (i.e. when I'm not in my happy Tel-Aviv bubble). At first, I found jack shit, but little by little I have accumulated some interwebs treasures.

1. www.falsedichotomies.com: This blog always manages to provide me with insightful political commentary. It's more of a center-left blog, but breaks down arguments logically and in great detail. I wish I could write like that about politics, but I tend to just cover up political talk with pictures of unicorns and puppehs. This was the first lefty blog I found and it makes me happy, damn it.

2. olahadasha.typepad.com: Leila's blog is, well, way more than a blog. It is book material. It's filled with detailed sensory impressions of Israel from "the other side," which means usually incorporating a Palestinian/Palestinian-Israeli perspective, and of course Leila's perspective being an "ola chadasha." She actually lives in London most of the time, though, I think. This woman is passionate about minority voices in Israel. Her blog is heartbreaking most of the time but it's the kind of stuff you just need to read. Again, the kind of stuff I wish I could write, if only I could stare the truth in the face.

Also, thank you Leila for telling me about that protest even though I got lost on the way and ended up signing a five-year-old's petition to build a preschool in his neighborhood. Sigh.

3. nizos.blogspot.com: This blog belongs to a hilarious Palestinian guy who lives in Montreal. I am obsessed. His posts include topics like running off to have sex with some Norweigan guy instead of attending the Gaza protest, and he also posts beautiful pictures of his stamp collection. I love super-crude humor and people who make light of everything while remaining intelligent. It's hard to find this tone in Middle Eastern blogs, but Nizo nails it.

4. themagneszionist.blogspot.com: I just discovered this blog today, and it is the blog I quoted in the beginning of this post. It's another strong, unabashed lefty voice. I need to find out more about the Orthodox left. It is a mysterious part of Israeli society to me.

Hope you visit these favorites. If you can think of other blogs that should be mentioned, let me know.

Israel WTF Moment of the Day

Man dressed in complete, albeit slightly "off" cowboy regalia on the bus. He had a twisty mustache, a dark leather Australian-looking cowboy hat, leather boots, a huge-ass belt buckle, plaid shirt, straight-leg jeans, and a ponytail. The look almost worked except for the hat and boots looking more like random leather items than true cowboy clothes.

She's no Michal Yanai, but...

Oh, hello there, lady-from-my-mom-and-I's-workout-videos. What are you doing in the same bar as me, drinking and smoking and laughing in such a relaxed manner? Just wanted to let you know that I thought you were good in that one children's video that incorporated one lady acting as five different types of grandmas.

Smarmy

I got my exemption from army service in the mail today! Thank Jesus this won't become a reality:

Yacht parties must still happen though.

Socialism, You My Friend

I am crazy sick this week with a throat infection (yes, I'm always sick--so what?). And I still don't have health insurance since I have to go to the Immigrant Absorption office first. And I can't go to the Immigrant Absorption office until the army sends me my beautiful, coveted service exemption, which is supposedly on its way.

Last night I got a home visit from a nice Russian doctor lady. Today, I stumbled around the smelly streets looking for some antibiotics, which I had to pay full-price for, no insurance at all. Three packs of antibiotics cost me a whopping $15. WOW.

This, and the free food at my new job, and mothers getting to leave their jobs early, and the ability to get abortions . . . make me love socialism.

Organization, a Celebration

I'm watching the inauguration prep on Israeli news. The anchors won't shut up about how "organized" the ceremony is. "In America, everything is always set up perfectly! They have everything together!"

Their response to Gates not being at the inauguration just in case anything happens to Obama and the rest of the new government: "Those Americans have a procedure for everything!"

Hillbisraelis

I've had this conversation three times in the past week:

Israeli person (not me): "So did you vote for Obama?"

Me, M.F.: "Of course. He's the best!"

Israeli person (not me): "He's a Muslim, right?"

I get so upset at this fuckery (among other Israeli-hillbilly shenaneries). The other day I even started crying repeatedly to my parents, "It's like I moved from Austin to Waco! This is Waco! Aaaaah!"

I've recovered, but seriously, wtf? People here need a lesson or two about not being dumb. I rule; they drool, etc.

Thank God I'm Getting a Job

So, if it isn't apparent already, ever since I stopped having a job in November, I've been watching massive amounts of TV. My unemployment status ends on Monday (eeep!), but for now, most of my experiences involve THE TUBE, that old-timey mesmerizing machine of yesteryear. Yesterday, I watched a documentary called Welcome to Tehran where this journalist dude hangs out in Tehran, basically. He interviewed a bunch of people, and a lot of the time, their descriptions of Iran seemed very apt as descriptions for Israel, too. But that's probably because I'm self-centered and relate every TV show to ME AND MY LIFE. (This is completely unrelated, but every time I say the word 'television' in my head, it sounds the way Kenneth would
say it on 30 Rock).

One woman, who runs a cancer non-profit, was saying: Most of my friends have left Iran, but if everyone leaves, who will show the world that we're not really what we seem to them? There will be no one to change things if everyone left.

(And then I was tearing up and yelling "Yeah!" at the TV.)

Then at the end of the doc, the journalist said: The residents of Tehran face many problems, one of them being living in a congested, overpopulated city. And they face a government which seems more and more out of touch with its people. But Iranians have a deep love of their country.

I felt like he was speaking right to me! I know Iran is different from Israel in a lot of ways, but in many ways it's the same. So many people leave or want to leave Israel, and many people have given up on it. No one expects anything good to come out of our government. Yet some of us still live here. A lot of "us" are crazy (and thus are not people I want to put in an "us" category, but more of a "them"), but some of us, aka me, are not crazy! Well, I guess I can be a little crazy, but at least I'm not a racist religious fanatic, so that's a start!

The journalist also talked about the Iranian tradition of offering people things that they're supposed to refuse. The journalist's cab driver invited him to dinner
at his house, and the journalist said yes. After a while, the cab driver and the translator told him about how Persians offer you things like paintings or food that you're really supposed to say no to, and the journalist got embarrassed. This brought back some memories. Chris, I still owe you for doing all those awesome, undeserved favors for me that I was really supposed to say no to.
But whatevs, you offered.

In other tantalizing television news, Shulamit Aloni was featured on a political talk show (aka yelling show) yesterday! She's a little old lady now, but she kicked the asses of the conservative panelists on the show. It was inspiring. She did all the yelling I do at the TV for me. This entire war, I haven't seen ANY progressive voices on TV and it's PISSED ME OFF. (Among other things which have pissed me off). Aloni was a long-awaited voice of wisdom. Whenever the other panelists tried to point out some "fact", she would just yell "no, not true" and shake her head at them. And then a woman called in from Southern Israel talking about how she's for the war but she really "feels for Arabs" and "has a bunch of Arab friends." She actually said "I have Arab friends!" WTF? Sorry, that little story was unrelated to Aloni's awesomeness but I just had to share the retardation. Then, Shulamit Aloni was going on and on about how Israel made Gaza into a jail and the conservative guy said "and who's fault is that?" (that's what they all say on these stupid shows) and Aloni yelled "it's the occupation's fault!"

She brought down the house. Best little old lady ever. Except for my grandma, of course.

In conclusion, there's been some good stuff on TV. The end.

A Bad Thing and a Good Thing

I might be too into unemployment as a way of life. Oopsies?

But in better news, I saw someone from Austin walking around last night and didn't even say hi.

No fightin'; (Shakira, Shakira...)

Here is a SHOCKING fact. Did you know that Hamas uses children as human shields? Children!

Actually, that practice has been disputed and greatly exaggerated. That argument is just an excuse for Israel to target civilians.

Israel doesn't target civilians. Hamas targets civilians by shooting rockets into residential areas of Israel. Israel is just trying to target terrorists but sometimes there are civilian casualties.

Well, technically since Gaza isn't a state, everyone there is a civilian.

But Israel is entitled to self-protection when other entities try to harm its citizens.

Hamas is just using these rockets as self-defense. Gazans are stuck in what essentially is an open air prison. Their rockets are small and not very harmful compared to what Israel is using on them. Barely any Israelis have even died from these rocket attacks.

But Israel has developed an advanced alarm system and a shelter system for its citizens in the South, which is why its citizens are better protected from rockets.

Hamas does not have the budget to protect its citizens to this degree, because they do not receive as much international aid. Actually, Gazans barely have access to basic supplies.

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Guys, pls stop fightin cos M.F. iz hurr 2 save the day duhz.

Also,

"Am Israel Pi" Graffiti in Tel Aviv (um duh it's a play on Am Israel Chai--the Nation of Israel Lives)

Delicate Flower

I opened a bank account yesterday. It took two hours. Going to a bank here is out of control. I sucked at being Israeli and getting good banking rates for my bank account. I didn't even ask about banking rates, so who knows, maybe I did get good ones (probably not). Oh well.

I got there 30 minutes before closing, and the lady kept fucking things up, and the computer froze, so she passed me over to this hairy guy. This was after closing time already. The hairy guy was giving the weird lady shit for passing him a customer, saying "I was planning a romantic dinner with my wife!" The lady said, "Really, where were you planning to go?" And he answered, "What's your problem? You want to know all about my personal life now? Just go away." Then he made fun of her some more after she left.

Then my cousin and I saw a long-lost relative who also works at the bank, naturally.

The hairy guy had to open my account really quickly before their system automatically turned off, so I didn't have much time for questions. This bank was so antiquated; Shylock might've been my banker for all I know.

I felt like a tool that this guy was opening my account after hours so I didn't go all Israeli on him. That was probably a big mistake, but we have some connections in Bank Leumi so I might go back and un-screw myself over at some point (in case I was ever screwed over to begin with--I seriously don't understand anything about teh moneyz or teh banks).

Israel = the mob, I think. I know I need to be tougher and haggle with people all the time, but sometimes I just don't feel like it. I have better things to do, like taking a nap. And it's not like I didn't go around being Israeli the entire day--I did convince the guard to let my cousin into the bank after it was closed, and some other stuff. But sometimes I just like to sit in a store and let my thoughts wander to topics like "I wonder what Meg Ryan is doing these days" and "if I were a tree, what type of tree would I be?" So I just do that instead of Israeli-ing it up.

I do love that I can say whatever I want to people and they don't get all sensitive and upset all the time. That did not work well for me in Texas. People just go out of their way to be mean to you. I was with my aunt and uncle at their friend's house when their friend asked "Who wants wine? M. probably doesn't want wine because she's such a dork. Doesn't she look like a dork?" Then my cousin said "M. drinks all the time. We gave her all these shots the other day and she didn't even get drunk." (Austin friends know that this is an anomaly, but it did give me a lot of cred with my cousin and her boyfriend so shuttup). And the woman said "That's so weird. She looks like such a dork."

Then I protested about this to my cousin and her boyfriend when we got back to the house. My cousin's boyfriend said "M., you're the girl Harry Potter and you should just get over it."

I also like being mean to people so I approve.

Happy Bday, Future Celeb Sighting

How could I forget? Happy belated 70th, Arik!

The radio stations were playing so many Arik Einstein songs on my rides to the North yesterday. So exquisite.

I wish he was my friend.



Can't. Handle. It.

sleepiness = a list for you

1. The night of New Year's I took a cab ride to Tel-Aviv with a driver who, the entire ride, was holding up a torn piece of newspaper with some woman's picture on it. Thought he was going to kill me, but he didn't. He just dropped me off at my friend Alex/Aviv's house.

2. Had a weirdo allergic reaction the night of New Year's, which involved lack of breathing, a swollen eye, and me not able to feel my bottom lip. Thankfully, Aviv's friend Yuval had an inhaler and saved the day. The eye didn't heal that night though. I looked HOT during New Year's, let me tell ya! Here's the proof:You can laugh at me all you want.

3. After I started breathing a little better, we went to a GOTH CLUB in South Tel-Aviv(!). They played a metal/punk/something version of Umbrella. There were also lots of people wearing Santa hats. Since my dream in life is to be a '90s teenager I was beaming. Beaming with a swollen eye = not right.

4. Lots of other stuff happened, including me going to Jerusalem, which was rather nice, surprisingly. I took a 20-minute walk through the park and talked to some jolly American Orthodox Jews. I even made friends on the bus, Sarah Godner style! I tried to take pictures for the blog, but alas, I suck at doing that.

5. I feel an irrational sense of happiness living here. Things just feel right. Just thought I should say that? Shablam?

Awkward transition time:
6. War update: We're all still scared for my cousin. Her coworker videochatted with her after a rocket hit his neighbor's house today. Eeek, I say. I am really upset that Israel is now putting ground forces, including reserves forces (!) into Gaza. I am very concerned (understatement of the year) for Gazans' safety. I'm also worried for the soldiers, one of which is a boy I used to tutor in Dallas. I personally don't agree with the way this whole operation has been put on, but again, I'm still not comfortable talking about this on the interwebs. I might send some of you a personal email about it. Hmmm.

Okay, it's 2 am here. I should sleep, right? Right!

Laziest update ever. I'll learn to write properly on this thing at one point. Meh.

Update: Ido, the kid I used to babysit/tutor, is not going into Gaza, for now at least, since he hasn't been in the army for long enough. Phew, for now.